adjusting

mom wants me to start blogging again. she keeps mentioning it. and since i started this blog for her i guess it’s only right that i restart it for her…even if mom is the only one reading it. i guess a year and a half of letters every week has made her miss my writing now that i’m home. so here it goes…this photo marks a moment of change. maybe the change didn’t start exactly in the moment this picture was taken. you could easily argue that the change started before this, the moment i boarded a flight headed for the USA, or the moment i stepped off that plane and hugged my dad who had patiently waited at the gate. or maybe it started after, when i slept in MY bed for the first time or when i took my missionary tag off. i dont actually know-but this picture comes pretty close.

my mom says i’m great at adjusting to change. i guess that’s true. change doesn’t bother me too much. at least not in the moment. when i know it’s coming it bothers me, i worry about it, i often dread it. but when it actually comes i usually just go with the flow. take life as it comes and keep smiling. but that doesn’t mean i dont feel it. that doesn’t mean that inside i dont miss the past or dont long for “ the way things used to be.” and it doesn’t mean that just because i seem to be well-adjusted i dont notice all the things that are different.
i’ve been home about 2 months and its weird. i’ve definitely changed. not too much i hope. i think i’m still me. i still love tv show marathons, sleeping in, laughing too loud and shopping (although i am having to re-discover fashion). i still speak my mind, love eating sushi, and dont mind spending all day in bed once-in-awhile (like today).

but i also have all these weird quirks that i can’t seem to shake. sometimes i have to ask myself if a word is english or spanish before speaking. i resist the urge to point at things with my lips. i used to look for the closest parking spot now i choose the solitary space at the edge of the lot because, honestly, i kinda miss walking everywhere. while i’ve gotten over the shock of bathing with running water i’m still pleasantly surprised when i remember that i can control the water temperature. i eat everything on my plate-even if i dont like it-not just because the idea of “starving children who would love to eat those vegetables” is now real to me but because i have a different idea of what food actually “costs”. seriously…why is cheese SO expensive?!

so yes, i’ve changed. but i think i like change. because i think change always comes when you have adventure and i love adventure.

so here’s to adventure and change and the inevitable adjusting it brings…even if it’s weird and uncomfortable sometimes.

p.s. hope you liked it mom